Be Still

If I pause to listen, I will hear it. If I pause to notice, I will see it.

Sunlight on grass and leaves

Birds singing

Morning breeze

Varieties of beautiful plants, flowers, and trees

Thank You, God, for Your gifts!

My cat Espresso and her five cute kittens’ small voiced mews

Robin on green grass

Light dancing on the wood pile

Eyes to see

My warm, cosy robe against crisp morning air

Pretty tray with my breakfast and coffee on it

Bright colours

Thank You, God, for my health today.

Thank You for Your infinite, beyond-my-understanding love!

Perennials in my yard from previous owner

Thank You, God, for my wonderful, understanding, forgiving, gracious husband.

Thank You for this quiet time outside!

Breeze in the trees rustling

Turtle dove’s mourn

Mango, sweet and sour, tasty, bright orange

Fire pit for family times

Thank You, God, for headache-free days, for discoveries of food that makes me feel well.

Robin’s alert—cat!

Grass so green—pristine—reminds of Ireland!

Hostas getting big

Coffee with hazelnut
Sun on a barn shed

Lines and character in an old hunk of wood

Do you see? Do you hear? 

Do you thank?

Nothing Changes... Yet Everything Changes...

Are you grateful for your life just as God has ordered it?

Sure, of course, I'm grateful. Right?

But am I really?

What if my family were taken away from me? Would I be grateful for the time I had with them?

What if my good health were removed? Would I be grateful for the relationships and tangible blessings still in my life?

You see, I've been thinking about gratefulness lately because I spent quite a few months this past year ungrateful and downright angry.

Yes, I'm not proud to say this, but I have to be honest. I was inwardly railing on God for things He allowed into my life this year. 

Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! (Isa. 45:9)

I'll explain. I've never been a mom. For whatever reason, God never allowed me to give birth to my own baby. This, for years, was a source of pain to me. I would inwardly and later privately weep when I was caught in a group of women chatting merrily about childbirth and rearing children. I just could not understand why God had kept this from me when I desired children so much, having chosen names for three children when I was yet a very young adult. Actually as a teen, I had chosen one of these names, and it had never changed in my mind.

So, fast-forward to January 2011. One year ago. 


After a long road, I felt I finally worked through the emotions of never having my own baby, and actually began seeing some of the reasons why God had chosen not to give me a child of my own. I literally felt it leave my emotional plate, and I began to settle into married life, just enjoying the freedom of being a couple.

Then with one phone call, everything changed. Suddenly we had a little two-year-old full-time... in the middle of potty training! And I went from wife to full-time caregiver... actually parenting.

Well, I didn't appreciate it. After all, this isn't on my terms, God! 


This is a selfish statement, but I have heard it from other parents as well: 

I felt that all my freedom was taken. 

I once enjoyed hopping in the car and going to town whenever I liked. Now I have to work around morning and afternoon naps, and when I do go, I have to buckle-in-buckle-out a little tot at every stop. Every errand takes twice as long. I was not used to that.

And so, though I'm not proud of this, I admit I became angry and bitter.

This isn't fair!

Thankfully, God in mercy kept me from taking the anger out on this precious child, though I am not so naive to believe that she remained completely unaffected by my spirit of anger, and that saddens me!

Doest thou well to be angry? ~ God asked Jonah (Jonah 4:4)

After the dust settled from my ranting (when I actually became exhausted in my anger), God began to show me the blessing in the midst of the unpleasant. God, Who works all things together for good to those who love Him--for His purpose, not ours--began showing me the beautiful: His purpose.

Christ is the model upon which the Father is developing your life...   

(Henry Blackaby)

Every event that God allows into my life is for His purpose: conforming me to the image of His dear Son Jesus. That's what the verse after Romans 8:28 says. His purpose isn't some pie-in-the-sky idea that I can just back burner if I truly love Him. When you love someone, you want what they want. And God wants to make me like Jesus.

What does all this have to do with being grateful?

By God's patience and grace, I am learning that this is a mindset. I do not mean fake. I mean a choice. The Apostle Paul wrote to the  Colossians, "Set your affection on things above." (Col. 3:2)

On a side note: It saddens me also that with my affections set on getting my own way and reclaiming what I perceived to be my own freedom, I made things hard on my husband as well. We have all heard the phrase, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" We women do set the climate in our homes, like it or not. (Check out Courtney's convicting blog on being a porcupine wife!)

Choosing to be grateful for the good--embracing the good--causes the nasty somehow to become less so. God began to show me the beautiful in this situation when I chose gratefulness.

Once I chose to be grateful in this situation--to focus on the good, to embrace the beautiful, God-given opportunity--my emotions (eventually) no longer felt angry, resentful, bitter, and vindictive. I began to see that God, for an indefinite period, has given me a little girl to dress in frillies and do her hair, just as I dreamed. And I began to enjoy things again... things that I used to enjoy but I quit doing, because I thought I no longer enjoyed these activities. I began to actually enjoy the daily tasks of caring for a child, as well as daily household chores I thought I hated! Resentment is a horrible thief.


It's a daily choice: Gratefulness... Nothing changes... Yet everything changes!

Applying My Heart...

Thank God for new beginnings! We don't even have to wait for a new year to have a fresh start with God, but I'm glad He allowed us to have a calendar so we could have a greater sense of a new start. 


Many who have been in solitary confinement have sought to maintain sanity by keeping some sort of crude calendar, scratching notches into the wall, or whatever way they could find to keep track of their days. 

The lack of sunlight and having no schedule and nothing to do was enough to drive them crazy. Nowadays and in our culture we feel enslaved by the calendar at times, but when you consider the alternative, a calendar and schedule truly are blessings!


While a New Year causes people look forward to many things and make goals and resolutions, for others, it can be discouraging, as they allow themselves to think and dwell upon their painful or sinful past. 

God says: 


Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert. ~ Isaiah 43:18-19


A friend on Facebook posted a reminder today that we not focus so much on our past that we miss what God is saying and doing in our present and what He wants to do this year.


God has new wisdom and knowledge for you and for me this year! I don't want to miss what He's saying.


Proverbs 1:5 says:
A wise [man] will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:


Proverbs 2:2 says:
So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, [and] apply thine heart to understanding;


Too many times I do not apply my heart (mind, will, and emotions) to understanding His ways. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. I want my fleshly defaults to become less and less my default; I want HIS way of thinking to become my default. I am His lamb, and He loves me so tenderly. Thank You, Jesus, for pursuing me.

Jesus and the Lamb, Photo credit



My prayer today: "Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth..." (I Samuel 3:9) I want to incline my ear to Your wisdom. I want to apply my heart (my mind, my will, and my emotions) to understanding You and Your ways--the way You would have me listen, speak, move, breathe, live my life, and relate to others in my life.

Choosing Joy

Sara (pictured here with her dog Riley) is dying of a hereditary, autoimmune disease abbreviated AS, but as her blog proclaims, she is "choosing joy."

This is the most inspiring, convicting, and sobering thing I have read in awhile. She writes...

“How do you manage to stay so positive? So happy? Don’t you ever just get really mad?”

I suppose the cop out answer, while true, is that I just don’t have the energy to be mad. Seriously. It takes so much effort and energy to wallow. And it’s not any fun. I live 99.8% of my time alone, and if anger was all I had to live with I would lose my mind.

I think, for me, it has been about learning to want what He wants for me more than what I want for myself.It's a tall order and I don't say that flippantly. But my joy has truly come from Him finding His joy in me rather than me finding my joy in what I desire. It doesn't mean I don't long for different, it just means I find peace in fulfilling rather than understanding. In the knowledge that this life isn’t about me, it’s about Him.

The thing I try to remind myself of, as I am without all the things that I wish I had to make me happy, is that my biggest need is Him. More than I need to be outside in the fresh air, more than I need to move without pain, more than I even need Dad... I need His will to be done in my life whether it is comfortable or not. There is not one thing that feels comfortable about my world right now, but I need Him more than I need to change my circumstances.

It's still brutally hard. I have to remind myself of these facts every day. It doesn’t always come easily.

But it doesn’t make the truth any less true.

And the truth is that I can choose the joy.

So I do.

~ Sara at Gitzen Girl: Choose Joy blog, http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/

Update: Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2011...

Sara received information late yesterday afternoon that her body was beginning to shut down, and things have moved quickly since. Hospice arrived this morning and Sara is comfortable. Her family is surrounding her and reading her texts, facebook posts, and emails, so please feel free to contact her and share your love; she will not be able to reply but is taking great peace in your words, your heart.  I know how thankful she is for each of you, how much joy you’ve added to her days, and what purpose sharing Him has given her. I will continue to post as things change and want to thank each of you for the ways in which you have loved sweet Sara so well.

Come Thou Fount

Keukenhof Gardens, Netherlands


Have you ever meditated awhile on the words of the hymn "Come Thou Fount" by Robert Robinson? Would you take a few moments just to read carefully and dwell on these thoughts?


1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,

 Tune my heart to sing Thy grace; 

 Streams of mercy, never ceasing, 

 Call for songs of loudest praise. 

 Teach me some melodious sonnet, 

 Sung by flaming tongues above. 

 Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 

 Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Jesus is the Fount that pours out every blessing in my life. When I realize that everything I have is a gift from Him--whether perceived good or bad*--my spirit (which is redeemed) wants my heart (my mind, will, and emotions, which are still carnal) to be tuned into that fact! Then I want to sing and tell everyone I know about His grace and never-ending streams of mercy!

*"Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting, e'er to take as from a Father's hand."
(from the hymn "Day by Day.") 

 2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer*; 

 Hither by Thy help I'm come; 

 And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, 

 Safely to arrive at home. 

 Jesus sought me when a stranger, 

 Wandering from the fold of God; 

 He, to rescue me from danger, 

 Interposed His precious blood.

Oh to fully realize and continually remember that it's only by God's help that I have come to whatever place I've matured thus far in my life. And to acknowledge that it's only by His grace and pleasure (because He desires it) that He will safely conduct me home to Heaven. I'm so grateful that He searched for me when I was a sinner--born in sin--and that he "interposed" His precious blood on my behalf! 

 
*Ebenezer is a reference to I Samuel 7:12, meaning "hitherto hath the Lord helped." Other study helps indicate its meaning as "stone of help." It was a memorial stone erected by Samuel as a remembrance of the Lord's help in defeating the Philistines. 

3. O to grace how great a debtor 

 Daily I'm constrained to be! 

 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 

 Bind my wandering heart to thee. 

 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 

 Prone to leave the God I love; 

 Here's my heart, O take and seal it, 

 Seal it for thy courts above. 

I am such a debtor to His grace! Because I was saved as a young child and did not dabble much in the world, at times I have not understood everything from which Jesus saved me. Now daily I can recognize more and more from which He saved me! I can recognize my proud heart, my arrogance in thinking I've been spiritual, my quiet rage and inward bitterness others don't see. Yes, He saved me from so much! And it's His goodness that makes me want to more tightly bind my heart to His! He doesn't force me to live for Him. I want to, because I'm so grateful for His grace daily shown in my life, ever willing to deliver me from my pride and arrogance, my anger and bitterness. My flesh makes me prone to wander away, to sink back into these besetting sins, but my spirit wants Him to take my heart and keep it close to His--a daily choice to walk in the power of the Spirit of God that lives within me! What freedom! Freedom to choose Him, not the destructive way of living!

Life's Little Pleasures

Our grandbaby Kyla (now 18 months old) loves kitties! She's a gal after my own heart: she loves her Papa (my husband) and kitties! :) One minute she squeals, "Papa! Papa!" The next, she squeaks, "Mew! Mew!" (her name for the kitties).

Life is an adventure-gift from God. Kyla always reminds me to enjoy the little pleasures God gives us richly to enjoy (I Timothy 6:17).

When the old preacher Gypsy Smith was asked the secret of the success of his ministry, he replied, "I've never lost the wonder."

Tell us (comment below) about a little pleasure from God that you enjoyed today.

My Tea Spot

As promised... here's where I have tea with God--at least at this juncture of life! It frequently changes with the seasons. My red chair is a happy, contented place for me to be!

Across the room is our stereo, and I love having a remote control--so I can be lazy!--to turn on relaxing, instrumental music to quiet my heart before the Lord. It helps me to listen for His voice and be content to stay in my chair until I hear from Him. There are other times when I need a lift, and I play an upbeat Southern Gospel CD.

Next to my chair, I keep a basket with pens and coloured pencils/pencil crayons to mark things in my Bible, a pencil sharpener, missionaries' prayer cards that I've collected through the years, and my prayer notebook.

My prayer notebook is where I write specific prayer requests, things that I am asking God for, with the date requested. When it is answered, I circle it in red and write the date answered.

We know that, based on Scripture (Jeremiah 33:3 and countless others), God always answers, even when He seems silent. He is a loving Father, not an absent or aloof Father. Maybe for a time, His answer is "Wait" because He is teaching me something, or He has something better than what I asked for! It is exciting to keep track of His specific answers and to be able to look back and see how He is working in my life!

Comment below and tell me where your tea spot with God is, or share an exciting answer to prayer you've had recently! I'd love to hear from you!

Rest, Contentment, Satisfaction, Purpose, Joy...

"It is the faith that continually closes its eyes to the weakness of the creature, and finds its joy in the sufficiency of an Almighty Saviour that makes the soul strong and glad." --Abide in Christ, by Andrew Murray

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." --John 15:4-5

Only when I recognize that "I can of mine own self do nothing" (John 5:30), and believe and claim HIS power that already lives in me, can I find true joy in Jesus.

When I choose abide in the Vine (freely yield to His Spirit--that already lives in me), I find rest, contentment, satisfaction, purpose, joy, and so much more!

Oh the struggle in my soul when I do not yield to Him. Believing in His sovereignty and believing that He IS good--His very nature is GOOD!--helps me yield.

My grandbaby Kyla is a living example. At times, she chooses to fight sleep; she is cranky and grumpy, and twists her head around as I try to feed her the bottle. She pushes at me with her arm and tries to sit up when I'm trying to rock her to sleep. Yet if I allow her to sit up, she cries because she is so tired! She just won't yield to the one who knows best for her and loves her so much!

How like her I am when I fight what God is doing in my life and refuse to surrender to Him, the One Who knows best for me and loves me so much!

"...Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." --Jeremiah 31:3

I can trust the goodness of God Who is in control of everything that is happening in my life.