Oh the source of my song is the Saviour
The reason for my singing is the Man from Galilee
It does not depend upon my circumstances
For Jesus is the source of my song
One verse says, "If we only sing when we're happy, we will not be singing very long." One of my good Jamaican friends has taught me that when I begin to feel irritated or frustrated to start humming... even if I don't feel like it. I have begun to put this into practice: with amazing results! Something wells up inside of you when you begin to sing to the Lord.
This morning all five horses we own ran out into the pasture rather than into the barn to eat their grain, as they have been trained to do. I was at the barn by myself, and I am not by any means an experienced horsewoman!
Let me back up and explain that everything in my life right now is an adjustment. There is not much that is the same. I live in a new country with a wonderful new husband. I am trying to build a relationship with three teenage stepchildren. I am learning-as-I-go as a pastor's wife. I am endeavouring to be my husband's helper as he works daily in his custom home business. I am about to become a Nana. (I get every grandparent's dream: have the grandkids first!) I am leading a choir (which I have only done once before in my life). I am coordinating numerous singing groups at church. I am seeking to shepherd and encourage our ladies.
Many days I feel very overwhelmed with my new life! (Understatement of the year!) This morning's experience when the horses all ran out into the field was one of those times: I burst into tears, and asked God if He'd left me! That sounds like an extreme response to horses running out of the paddock. But I can assure you it was not merely because the horses did not do what they were supposed to do! I was overwhelmed by the adjustments of life. I felt out of control. I felt stretched beyond what I could endure, beyond what I could handle.
I said, "God, I CAN'T do this anymore!" But He showed me that I indeed could do it--with HIS power. With the use of the whip, I herded all those equines into the barn and secured them into their stalls for breakfast time!
And God taught me a powerful lesson: I can't do anything without Him... and He is moving me to the end of myself so that I will look up and trust Him with EVERYTHING. As long as I can still do it in my own strength, in my heart of hearts I will believe that I don't truly need Him.
As painful as it is, I'm thankful God is removing all my props and teaching me to trust Him alone. Jeremiah said, "Lord God, behold I cannot." Chapters later, God replied, "Is there anything too hard for me?"