This Is the Job I Gave You

I kicked a toy out of my way as I headed to the washroom in the middle of the night. Sighing, I asked for the umpteenth time "Why do I have to do this?" Motherhood seemed overrated. I was irritated that I could not sleep, and that in a few short hours I would hear little voices calling, "Nana!" from upstairs.

Flashback: When I was twelve, I knew God was calling me to full-time Christian service. It's as real today as it was xy years ago! {wink}

In between then and now, life happened, just as it always will. Many events happened--sad and happy, but God ultimately fulfilled one of my biggest dreams: being a preacher's wife. Through the challenges and joys, I now thoroughly enjoy working in ministry alongside my husband. I wouldn't want to do anything else.

Yet this did not happen the way I expected. I was thirty-five before I met my husband. And finally my dreams came true! He's an awesome man of God who runs his own homebuilding company while pastoring a church he started.

The thing I didn't expect was to instantly become a mother of three as well! If that wasn't surprise enough, the next thing I didn't expect was to raise two little munchkins who happen to be our grandchildren!

I will be real here: I harboured such mixed emotions about getting the {grand}kids full-time! I had never raised toddlers, never had the opportunity to care for a baby, never homeschooled. Aaaaaaaaa!

My faithful God kept bringing back to my mind one of four specific verses He had given me when I was praying about marrying my husband: Esther 4:14. He told me He brought me here "for such a time as this." Over time, I came to accept the fact that I had a toddler full-time, and later, a second one. Full-time. But honestly, the fears were eating me alive!

How can I open my heart this wide?
How long will I get to raise them?
How long will I have to raise them? (This question came on the more challenging days!)
What will my emotions do when I have to give them up?
How will I handle my emotions if I raise them and in the end, they rebel against God and everything they are taught?
When will I ever have time for my coveted writing career--or anything else, for that matter?!

One evening God spoke into my life through a comment someone made in the Bible study discussion group I lead and teach. (Be faithful. God speaks through you to your leaders!) We were discussing children. Though I do not remember the exact comment from this lady,  God's ever-so-gentle comment to me at that moment was crystal clear!

My child,

This is the job I gave you.

I'm aware that you thought you would be on the mission field, 

or having your own biological children, 

or writing full-time... 

and all those desires are great!

And if I had asked you to do those things, 

you would have immediately surrendered. 

I know your heart is toward Me.

But these are the plans I had for you. 

This is what I had in mind for your life. 

This is what I know is best for you. 

The question has always been and always will be:

Will you trust ME?

Yes, Lord, I will trust You! You've always been faithful! How can I not trust You?

It's not about me, it's all about You,
I yield myself now unto all that is True;
I'm free to obey, to yield all I am,
I'll live for You now, O my precious Lamb!

I am yielding myself, surrendering all;
Lord Jesus, You love me, so I answer Your call!

It's not about me, it's all about You,
I choose to act now as You want me to do;
You gave me Your Spirit to walk as I ought,
Lord, I can be true unto all I've been taught.

I am yielding myself, surrendering all;
Lord Jesus, You love me, so I answer Your call!
words (c) Dayna Spear Guenther, 2013; music, John B. Summer, 1877 (hymn tune: "I'm a Child of the King")

O Lord, when I need to pick up toys for the 500th time, please remind me of those who are suffering in other parts of the world, imprisoned for their faith, watching their children be killed. Remind me of those precious ladies whose arms long to hold a child even if it means tripping over toys a gazillion times a day. (Remind me that I used to be one of those ladies!) Remind me of Your Son who endured so much agony just for me! Enable me to "consider Him which endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest {I} be wearied and faint in {my mind}" (Hebrews 12:3)!

What about you? 

Is there an area or circumstance of your life that you just wish God would change? Could it be that He brought you to this place "for such a time as this"? He truly has given us all things that pertain unto life and godliness (II Peter 1:3) He's faithful: if He's called you, He also will do it (I Thessalonians 5:24)! He will perfect that which concerns you (Psalm 138:8)!

Please comment and tell me your own story of God's leading in your life in paths you have not known (Isaiah 42:16).